So Close

There have been a bunch of goals over the last 11 months.  Eleven months ago today I made a commitment to myself to get healthy.  The diabetes thing really scared me.  It was a major wake up call.  That diagnosis came 11 months, 1 day ago.  The first goals were to eat healthy again and to get moving for the first time since 1986 or so.  There had been very little real exercise since the kids were born even though in the years between college and kids, I was a part-time aerobics instructor (it was the heyday of aerobic dance).  Since I can be pretty determined and being motivated by visions of diabetic consequences, I buckled down and have been on course with barely a deviation for 11 solid months.

In Weight Watchers (my chosen eating program), there are built in goals. Lose 10%, lose the first 25, and more 25's after that.  It's very cute on line . . . I've been collecting little stars on my on-line graph for each goal met.

And now I'm so very close to a new star.  The 100 star.  So close that the last two weeks I've felt like the goal was achieved and yet the scale said differently.  Plateau.  The dreaded slow-down of weight loss.  The frustration maker.  Last Thursday's official weigh in lead to a couple of bad decisions in the food department over the weekend.  That was followed by a severe round of guilt.

Guilt gets  you nowhere.  Trust me.  Guilt got me diabetes.  I ate guilt.  Guilty feelings from the failed marriage, from wondering if I was/am a good enough mom, from never feeling as though I accomplished enough at work (or the other work, or the volunteer work), from procrastinating, from not having all the photos in scrapbooks, from buying a piano but not practicing.  I'm very well acquainted with guilt.

So after a little backsliding this weekend (curse you Irish soda bread) and the attendant self loathing, I straightened myself out.  Two great workouts and a fabulous dinner tonight and I'm feeling good about this week.  It could happen this week.  But even if it doesn't, I still can know I'm learning to cope.  Backsliding for two meals is a hell of a lot better than backsliding for, say, two years.  New me is able to bounce back.  

That has to count for something too.

The new fast food:
Top one whole wheat flatbread with fresh tomato slices, low fat shredded mozzarella (I use Weight Watchers 4 cheese Italian blend), calamata olive slices, shaved asparagus and grilled shrimp.  Salt, pepper, whatever herbs are on hand.  Bake until cheese is bubbly and tomato is heated through.  One flatbread makes two servings.