In Community

I have a theory about watching television and listening to the radio.  Maybe it's not a theory ... it's really more of a feeling ...

I feel that even if I'm watching or listening alone, I'm in community with a circle of nameless faceless friends with whom I have at least this one thing in common:  we all like this movie, program, song, station, whatever it is, however I define it.

So even though I own the DVD's of many of my favorite movies, I rarely watch them.  It just isn't any fun.  There's no one watching with me.  But if Sleepless in Seattle or Apollo 13 or Remember the Titans or, specifically, a Sex in the City marathon is on tv, well ... there I am watching with everyone else in West Virginia and North Dakota.  I like knowing there are thousands of people doing the same thing I am, enjoying the same story, liking their favorite part, getting something to eat when I do during a commercial wherever they might be in Massachusetts or Minnesota.

It's the same with radio which I have rediscovered with a vengeance this year.  This is my year of radio.  When country music disappeared* from the airwaves in the New York market about 17 years ago, I fell out of love with radio.  I still listened but couldn't get excited about any one station or genre of music because I'd been such a country girl.  I listened to Star 99 because I kind of like contemporary Christian music and it was useful in my job (at the time) as a church youth group director.  I liked the music--not so much the talk.  When my daughter was in the car, we listened to classic rock because that's what she likes ... my generation's rock music.  At Christmas Lite FM plays holiday music 24/7 from just before Thanksgiving until just after December 25 so there was always that.

Then along came Gavin DeGraw and my life changed in so many ways.  I've come to love the Top 40-type stations in New York, particularly WPLJ, because they play his music, although not nearly often enough (just saying).  And when I'm listening at home or in the car (and yes there is dancing at home and in the car), I know thousands of other people across the Tri-State area are listening (and, I hope, dancing) too.  My ever-changing yet always there community.  Now to be honest, I only like about half of PLJ's playlist at any given moment and I wonder why they play some songs and not others, especially when I hear other stations (through the wonder of iPhone apps) in other parts of the country like Carolina or Oklahoma playing more of what I'd like to hear.

I've had this feeling about television and radio for years.  Last year when I joined twitter that feeling exploded ... because the community began to have names and faces (or avi's, I suppose) that I could attach to it.  Meeting people on twitter with whom I have things in common has been one of the biggest blessings of trying out social media.  And yes, I've watched television with my twitter friends across several states and listened to radio with people all over the country.  It's community.  

I came to twitter because it's one of the ways my Girl Scout community is using to communicate with it's membership but I discovered so much more.  I've made new Girl Scout friends, follow lots of my church's leaders and thought-provoking bloggers, keep up with causes that are dear to my heart and can't imagine my life without my new friends made through our common love of Gavin DeGraw.  My community is vast and varied, causes me to stop and think and sometimes to act and, best of all, is always awake.  It lives all over the world so whatever time I come to find someone, someone is always there in Alabama or California.

Now lest you think I'm a recluse living in virtual community with mostly unknown ethereal relationships that have no basis in reality, let me assure you that I'm completely and firmly planted in my local actual communities too--at the school where I work, in my neighborhood and town, at my church and with dear old friends with whom I couldn't possibly live without.

But this other "community" gives me a lot of satisfaction too--this one that exists in my mind even now as I'm only half watching a cheesy Hallmark movie while half listening to Ralphie Aversa on WPLJ as I write.  And I adore the twitter community that feeds my soul, challenges my perceptions, teaches me about whatever I'm curious about at that moment, keeps me abreast of the news and enjoys the same things that are important to me.  

Don't you think it's amazing to be living at this point in time when so many things are being redefined, including how we can be in community with one another?  It's actually and virtually an opportunity to engage with one another in ways our grandparents and probably even our parents could never have imagined.

~

This morning Gavin DeGraw, Billy Norris and Ian O'Neill made the rounds of several media outlets in New York.  I listened live to radio interviews, watched a live internet interview and chatted with people all around the county (and yes, churned out an obscene amount of work in the office while all this was going on).  Gavin's out promoting his new single in advance of his new album due out in the fall.  Here're are the lyrics to the song, Best I Ever Had:

Melt Antarctica, savin’ Africa
I failed algebra and I missed you some times
We’re at war again, save the world again
You can all join in, but you can’t smoke inside

You said “Take me home, I can’t stand this place
‘Cause there’s too many hipsters and I just can’t relate”
You’re my neon gypsy, my desert rain
You’re my “Helter Skelter”, oh how can I explain that

You’re the best I ever had
And I’m trying not to get stuck in my head
But I read that soda kills you and Jesus saves
On the bathroom wall where I saw your name
You’re the best I ever had
I won’t be the same

Night sky full of drones, this neighborhood of clones
I’m looking at the crowd and they’re staring at their phones
They groom the coast line here, it's starting to disappear (Oh God!)
And maybe once a year, I think to clean my car

Caught my reflection, drop the call
I’ve been medicated with cigarettes and alcohol
I got vertigo, no I can’t see straight
I got obligations though I’m usually late but

You’re the best I ever had
And I’m trying not to get stuck in my head
But I think I dropped my wallet in Santa Fe
Lost the only picture I had of you that day and
You’re the best I ever had
I won’t be the same

Hey West Virginia, Hey North Dakota
I think I love you, but don’t even know you
Hey Massachusetts, Hey Minnesota
I think I love you, but don’t even know you
Hey Carolina, Hey Oklahoma
I think I love you, but don’t even know you
Hey Alabama, Hey California
I think I love you, but don’t even know you

You’re the best I ever had (you’re the best I ever had)
And I’m trying not to get stuck in my head (get stuck in my head)
But I passed the longest sign on the interstate
Saying “Find someone before it gets too late”
You’re the best I ever had (you’re the best I ever had)
I won’t be the same

Hey West Virginia, Hey North Dakota (Oh why, oh why)
I think I love you, but don’t even know you (I won’t be the same)
Hey Massachusetts, Hey Minnesota (you’re the best I ever had)
I think I love you, but don’t even know you (I won’t be the same)

Yeah, I won’t be the same.

You can hear it here:  Best I Ever Had

Gavin DeGraw interviewed on Huffington Post Live

~

*I'm excited to report that country music is back in New York today at 94.7 Nash FM.

My Own Stars Hollow

When my daughter was in middle and early high school, our favorite television show was The Gilmore Girls on Tuesday nights.  It was the story of a single mom and her daughter and their relationship with each other and the others in their lives as the daughter, Rory, grew from middle school through college.  I loved the very cool Lorelai, the young, hip but oh-so-very-human and fallible single mom.  Even though I had my two kids married,  at twenty-something and thirty-something and she had hers as a single 16-year-old, I still related to all the pains and ultimate joys of single parenthood that she went through.  It's not always easy to make decisions without a partner and some days you just get tired of it--even the small ones like what to make for dinner.  Even though my kids still have a dad, he didn't factor into my day-to-day parenting equation and I wouldn't say that we really co-parented much.  Frankly, it was just easier that way.

But I digress ... because that's all water under the bridge, anyway.  One of my favorite parts of our weekly peek into the lives of Lorelai and Rory was the backdrop of their town, Stars Hollow, a fictitious but nonetheless historic town in Connecticut, complete with a town square (much like Morristown, the historic NJ town in which I grew up).

But I'm not writing about Morristown tonight either (although one day I will--it's also a beautiful place to live).  Rather, as I sit on my front porch watching fireworks burst overhead in the night sky, I'm once again conscious of how much in love I am with my beautiful small town of Denville, New Jersey.  I've written about this lovely place before* but I really ought not to broadcast how special it is--I should keep it a secret so it stays small and tightly knit, the way it is right now.

The fireworks are from our annual carnival, always held the last week in June to raise money for the all-volunteer fire department.  Lots of small towns in New Jersey do this and if you're a lover of small-time carnivals, you can follow them from town to town all summer long.  When I walk by the carnival on these June evenings and see the ferris wheel lighting the fairgrounds, it makes me think of Stars Hollow ... that tiny town where everyone knew everyone and they still governed themselves through town meetings.  I'm sure there's nothing particularly unique about my own little Star's Hollow.  You can see the same smiles across children's faces on any carousel that's twirling anywhere tonight ... I'm sure firefighters everywhere grill great cheeseburgers ... I'm sure guys everywhere leave their wives to put their kids on and off the rides and sneak off for a drink in the beer tent.  But it feels unique to me.  It's my ferris wheel and these are my kids, my carnival games and my firefighters selling 50/50 raffle tickets.

These are my cafes downtown where everyone sits outside in the summer and chats with anyone they know, whether well or remotely, in passing.  I have even grown to love the tacky Santa Fe-style tiled municipal planters that line our streets which someone mistakenly chose over something more appropriately colonial like galvanized steel or clay or concrete.  (Whomever is choosing and caring for  the plants in them, though, is doing an outstanding job.)

Everyone who works in my bank knows me, a big help in the hurricane aftermath.  My barrista at Starbucks (when I was still going to Starbucks--another casualty of the calorie cutback) had my drink ready before I got to the cash register and the same was true at my Dunkin Donuts.  The guys at my gas station have been looking after my car for so long they know what I need before I do (also a function of my total automotive ignorance).  We get personal service in the dress shops like you see in old movies (they bring you things to try and make really helpful suggestions).  When local people win the lottery, it's the talk of the town for months (this has happened three times in the last 15 years).  We have parades twice a year and will have fireworks again next week for the 4th of July.  Last Saturday was the annual Duck Races for charity.  Buy a rubber duck and launch it in the river.  They float to a certain point, etc.  I've never been since it started after my kids were too big for such simple pleasures but I'm sure something spectacularly fun happens at the end ...

Around the 4th there are more fun things to do ... steak dinner fundraisers, music and tricky trays ... we love to get together for good causes around here.  And again, I realize this isn't unique to us.  But I love that we're so willing to give and grateful that the community is so charitable as a whole.

The fireworks are over in my little Star's Hollow for tonight.  It truly is a Stars Hollow tonight for the sky is clear and brilliant with stars--real stars.  I'm hanging out with all the neighbors who walked into town for an unobstructed view rather than my tree filtered experience.  Middle aged folk like me and young couples with tired little ones and too-loud teens vying for each other's attention. Living downtown has the advantage of close houses which makes for close neighbors.  Our famous ice cream shop must have customers spilling out of the place clear onto the sidewalk; it's like that on a regular night in the summer let alone on a night when something special is going on.

Stars Hollow.  Cheers.  Oz.  Whatever metaphor works in your context ... everyone needs a special place.  I hope your hometown is that place for you.

~

*Summer Time On Main Street

Sleepless Stream of Consciousness

It was one of those special days.  When you wake up happy and the happiness grows exponentially all day until you arrive at the end of the day with so much enthusiasm and gratefulness that you are too jazzed to sleep.

And live music played a part as it often does, lately, in my life ...  Today was a full-circle day.  Today was a gift.

I woke up happy because I knew it was going to be a fun day at work.  More on that in a minute.  But it was also Weigh Day and I had a good feeling about it this morning.  I almost always know--I know what kind of week I've had (good choices or bad; moved my butt or sat on it).  I had a good week and saw a good result on the scale.  It's a guaranteed mood lifter when that happens.

Then it was on to the full-circle ... Back on Valentine's Day I was at a Gold Award Committee meeting listening to girls present their project proposals to be eligible for Girl Scouting's highest award, the Gold Award.  (I refuse to say that it's like a BSA Eagle Award because it's not reallly, except in the fact that they are both the highest award of their respective organizations.)  At that meeting we approved a young lady's project to improve awareness of local hunger issues and help our food pantry.  She designed a contest for county middle schools to hold food drives and the school that brought in the highest average number of pounds per student would win a concert from a local band.  She has other components to her project like working at the pantry and giving cooking classes to the clients on how to make the most satisfying and nutritious meals from the foods commonly found in the pantry (so when you're making donations to your local food pantries, keep this in mind:  nutrition and variety are important).

As luck or coincidence would have it, our middle school, under the leadership of the Student Council, decided to participate and won.  So we had two concerts today--the first before lunch for our younger population, PreK through 4th grade, and the second after lunch for fifth through eighth.  But I got to sneak into both and was introduced to the young siblings of Sweeter Than Honey, amazingly talented, high energy musicians who had nearly the whole student body on its feet during the two shows. They played covers and original songs and were tight, producing quite a big sound for only three people.  Good harmony and a well-paced set list engaged everyone in the room from the 3-year-olds to those of us who are considerably older.  Ruth and her brothers talked to the kids about taking music lessons and shared that you can do sports and make music; their "concert banter" was really professional.  I can't wait to hear them again someday.

The second show was introduced by the Girl Scout whose project this was.  She spoke to the older kids about hunger issues in our community and was both informative and eloquent.  I wasn't surprised.  I remembered her poise and maturity from several months ago.  Sweeter Than Honey played again and there was some pretty enthusiastic dancing taking place.  And some of it was good!  Okay, not exactly good but they were very cute.  And the younger they were, the less self-conscious they were.

The price you pay for having fun all day is working late but even then it was fun, probably because our spirits were so lifted by the music.  (I will pay for all this fun next week when we're sprinting towards commencement and packing 15 hours of work into 10-hour days.)

I drove from the office to this month's Gold Award Committee meeting.  (See that?  It's the full circle.)  We heard about 10 proposals tonight.  Another girl will be serving the food pantry with her project to help clients' children learn to make nutritious food choices.  Each of the girls was passionate and prepared to do her best on behalf of her cause.  By the second to last girl, I was getting a little teary.  It's hard to explain but these girls walk into the room looking slightly or--some of them--a lot more nervous and they walk out with approved plans, good advice from us "sage veterans" and with determination and drive.  You just know they're going to accomplish so much and you were able to witness the birth of some meaningful leadership in and service to their communities that will provide them with experiences which could enrich and empower them for bright futures.

It's a long day when you're at work by 7:30 and arrive home around 11:00 but when your day is so fulfilling that you can't sleep and find yourself writing about these blessings, it's a really, really good day.  I had a really good day today.

~~~

Sweeter Than Honey covers Hey, Soul Sister here.

  

Summertime on Main Street

Oh hey, Jamie McLean!  I'm borrowing your song title.  It's really your own fault:  I've had Summertime on Main Street in my head all week ....

Just about the 4th of July
Trying to beat the heat of the summertime
Ain’t got summer school
Sit beneath the shade of a tree
Trying to keep cool

Waiting on the ice cream man
Working on my summer tan
Going for a bicycle ride
Crusing into town
Ain’t got nothing but time 

I live 45 minutes west of New York City in a smallish town.  Close enough to be in "The City" for theater, music, art, food and adventures of all sorts whenever I like (or can afford) but far enough away that my 7-minute commute to work has me passing a field of sheep, another with Black Angus steer and donkeys, three coffee shops and my my beloved river.  We have a small-town mindset here.  Everyone knows everyone.  Everyone helps everyone.  There is a huge spirit of volunteerism and community here.  We're not in the sticks by any means (witness Starbucks, more sushi per capita than most places, a couple of celebrity residents, great restaurants, shopping, wonderful schools, etc.)  We've been here for 100 years.  This year.  Our anniversary.

And it’s summertime on Main Street 

We got sweet tea and lemonade 

And it’s summertime on Main Street 

We got flags and big parades 

Today's parade to celebrate the first 100 years of Denville's history was the largest this town has ever seen.  We have two parades a year here.  One for Memorial Day (on Memorial Day I might add) and one the Sunday of Thanksgiving Weekend, our small-town version of Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.  Today there were multiple bands, lots of home-grown floats, every civic organization represented, every faith community, sports teams, Girl Scouts, Boy Scouts, our elected officials, dance schools, veterans, Miss Denville and firefighters.  It stepped off around 2 PM and I didn't get home until after 5:00.

Girl Scouts take part in all parades in this town.  It's taken for granted that we'll be there in uniform on Memorial Day and in cute costumes representing whatever the theme the Chamber of Commerce choose for that year in the Holiday Parade.  We look forward to these events and our chance to participate in the life of our town as well as show our community spirit.  Today we were in uniform once again, carrying a rainbow of signs that indicated the various types of community service the girls have performed over the years.  Girl Scouts celebrated its 100th anniversary last year; we are one year older than our town.

It was a beautiful day for a parade.  Kind of hot but not really humid, bright blue sky.  Really pretty perfect.  I walked the mile and a half to the start of the parade to meet my troop and the rest of the Girl Scout community.  Lining up participants in a parade this large is a logistical feat; they had everyone arrive early and checked and double-checked lists and line-up orders.  We were packed in down a sidestreet for nearly 2 hours before it was our section's turn to go.  We were behind the Denville String Band (local mummers--so much fun), the Sunshine Rotary Club's huge float, the Denville Monopoly Game crew (don't ask; long story) and immediately behind us was a fife and drum group.  While we waited we could see old cars, the town crier (yes, we have a town crier) and the Shriners and their tiny cars.  One of the car groups included a hearse from the '50's that was rigged with a jukebox that played oldies.  Small town.

We walked from one side of town to the other, down Main Street, passing through downtown where the crowds on the sides of the road were the heaviest.  The reviewing stand held the mayor and town council and an announcer who spoke about each group as they passed by.  Two ladder trucks from the fire department were on each side of the road with ladders raised, forming an arch from which an American flag was flying.  We all passed under it and I have to say, I was pretty emotional there.  Eventually we wound up at the ball fields and the girls were met by their parents.  We were in group two out of six parade sections in total so I walked back toward town to watch the rest of our home grown, small-town parade.

The folks from Rock Ridge Lake had built a float on a flat bed truck that included a little girl in a kiddy pool, splashing around under a bunch of trees with a cool band playing.  Behind them marched more Rock Ridge members carrying lawn chairs and doing a well-choreographed drill.  Pretty cool.  Pipe bands, Irish step dancers (they looked hot--sweaty hot--in their wigs and woolen dresses), a small drum corps.  There was a shepherd--no kidding--a shepherd--with border collies herding sheep down the street.  Small town.

Christian Drama Club passed by (always carrying a huge cross; sometimes I wish they could demonstrate some other parts of the story like teaching and healing).  The Camero club was there with shiny cameros, old and new.  The Wells Fargo Bank had a stagecoach with not-quite-Clydesdales.  The Red Cross Emergency Assistance vehicle was there.  I felt the tears come again at that moment as I remembered them driving through our neighborhood every day for weeks after Hurricane Irene, handing out free meals for residents and the people who were laboring to help us clean and rehabilitate our homes.  Small town.

Today was a beautiful celebration of everything we love about living here.  We are blessed with a gorgeous place in which to live, neighbors who have each other's backs in bad times and will celebrate the night away with you in good times, old folks with a lifetime of stories to tell and young people who give us a glimpse of a bright future here.

 I can see the water from here
Gonna dive right in gonna disappear
They could send a cavalry
Ain’t no way in the world they gonna find me

Gonna grab my fishing pole
Goin to my fishing hole
Catch one 3 feet wide
Skin it back, fry it up, cook it for suppertime 

People do fish here every day.  There's always more than one guy catching his dinner in the rivers, ponds and lakes I walk by.  The next night those same folks might be out for dinner at Thatcher McGee's or the Heritage Grill.  Small town options.  Small town blessings.  We are so very rich here.

And it’s summertime on Main Street
We got sweet tea and lemonade
And it’s summertime on Main Street
We got flags and big parades

PS  Thank you Jamie McLean Band.  You know my life has a pretty great soundtrack these days and you're a frequent performer in it.

Jamie McLean Band:  Summertime on Main Street  Listen to it; if you live in a small town, you'll love it.  If you don't live in a small town, you'll wish you did.

Nightmares/The Updates

Flooding at McCarter Park

Nightmare #1:  

The river overflowed her banks a little.  Not quite up to the street but enough to engulf the paths in the park, the edges of the picnic areas at Gardner and to raise the level of groundwater.  Can someone love her sump pumps?  I do.  I really, really do.  Electricity too.  Both of mine are going, keeping the family room dry and the water where it belongs:  outside.

I'm so grateful the water didn't get any higher.  Today was a big day for our town and if it had flooded, it would have ruined everything.

Nightmare #2:  Bathing suit ordered from Lands' End.  Thanks to all who suggested this alternative.  Hope I ordered the right size ... next nightmare ...

Random Nightmares . . .

The big one: Flooding

The new one:  Bathing Suits

And I should probably end it right there because, if you know me ... well, that about sums the last 24 hours up right there. 

Aftermath:  The water recedes and you start cleaning.
And removing all that was ruined.  Eventually most of the
lawn was covered with the accumulation of a lifetime of  "stuff."

Nightmare #1.  It's been raining for over 24 hours and while I've been totally reconciled for years to my neighborhood's flooding from time to time, ever since Hurricane Irene (we, who lived it, did not downgrade it to a tropical storm) in 2011, I've been pretty skittish every time it rains for more than 4 or 5 hours.  It doesn't take a hurricane for our river (The Rockaway River) to overflow and for the groundwater that flows invisibly below our homes and to the river to rise up, invading houses, garages, cars and streets.  

And so, I'll try to fall asleep tonight but it will only be a half-sleep.  When the weather is threatening I sleep with my body weirdly tuned to the sump pumps two stories below me.  If they begin to pump, I'll be fully awake in an instant, ready to move what I can to higher floors.  Because, you see, people who continue to live in flood-prone areas are an optimistic breed.  We build it back and try not to think that it could ever happen again.

What I do when I'm nervous (now that I'm not eating my nervousness):  shop. Being nervous about Nightmare #1 led to ...

Nightmare #2:  Shopping. It's time to buy a Bathing Suit.  I have not been in a bathing suit for probably over twenty years.  When I started to put on weight, I started wearing shorts and tee shirts to the beach.  I'm not crazy about being in the ocean anyway (having grown up in the Great Lakes, I can't get used to the salty powerful waves of the mid-Atlantic).  A lot of time has passed and I want to spend time at the beach this summer.  A bathing suit would seem appropriate and I can wear one now.  I think I can wear one now.  If I can figure out how to buy one.  A lot has changed apparently in twenty years.  It's not just 1-piece and bikini any more.  There are separate tops and bottoms to mix and match now and hundreds of styles. It's like buying a whole outfit.  Top, bottom, matching cover-up.  It's complicated and stressful.

And clearly, I'm not completely used to the new me.  I looked at dozens of options and couldn't imagine myself in any of them.  Couldn't imagine daring to be that exposed even though I'll be at the beach by myself in all likelihood and no one will be really looking at me.  Couldn't imagine anything with so little fabric actually fitting me.  Couldn't bring myself to try even one on.

Nightmares.

Off Track

I've been pretty single-minded about this weight-loss business.  I mean I've been pretty devoted to making the right food choices and exercising a lot.  But I have an eating problem and no one knows it better than I do.

In fact, most people think I don't have a problem any more.  I'm getting a lot of "you're done now, right?" and "you don't need to lose any more; you don't want to get too skinny."  I think it's interesting that people never said to my face how overweight I was and believe me, I was.  Everyone is too polite for that.  It's interesting that those same people now feel free to voice their opinions about my weight now.  They don't know how much I weigh.  They only see how I look.

This journey is not just about how I look.  It's about how I feel now.  It's about my health.  It's about having energy and confidence.  It's about be able to sit on the floor and maybe teach Godly Play again.  It's about hiking up and down hills with my girl scouts.  It's about working in my garden.  It's about being able to lace up my sneakers.  Literally.  I am now able to do that.  It's about long walks that clear my head to make room for getting other things accomplished.

I have an eating problem.  I manage it so much better now but every once in a while it still manages to manage me.  Like today.

I've had a couple of busy weeks.  A couple of trips to New York to hang out, concert fun in Point Pleasant, family stuff, Memorial Day parading.  This weekend included Friday night through Sunday morning camping with my girl scouts, heading to the Mayo PAC for Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, dinner out with my son and Governor Christie*, and coming home to an enormous problem to be solved on a Sunday night for work.

I'm tired.  You can't be tired and maintain the amount of strength necessary for this eating battle that I wage on a meal-by-meal and snack-by-snack basis. I've raided my boss's candy bowl which I have successfully walked past every day for a year to a ridiculous degree the last two workdays.  I ordered pizza for dinner tonight even though there are better choices in my 'fridge.  I had three hot dogs at camp.  There could be more confessions here but we get the point.  I haven't been on the scale since Thursday but I'll get on it tomorrow and I know I'm going to be angry and disappointed with myself.

I know what my triggers are ... Nervous me eats.  Tired me eats.  Depressed me eats.  Worried me eats.  Partying me eats.  Drinks too.  And doesn't stop.  Because ordering a cheeseburger isn't the worst thing in the world.  Unless it's preceded by a cheesy appetizer of some sort and followed by a cake and ice cream dessert of some sort.

Time to get back on track.  When I write it here, I have some success.  Sending my thoughts out to cyberworld makes me feel accountable in some way.  I have no idea why that should be so because this is a rather anonymous and ethereal conversation.  After all, I have no idea who, if anyone is seeing this.  But however it does, it does work for me.

And if you know me, trust me.  I know what I'm doing and I know why I'm doing it.  There's no danger of my getting too thin.  I'm in regular discussions with my doctor and only recently finally achieved normal BMI for my height and age.  I'm within the normal range which is to say I could go lower if I want to and still be in that normal range.  It's not helpful to tell me I can eat anything I want.  Of course I can't.  I have a problem.  You wouldn't tell an alcoholic he or she could have a drink if he or she wanted one.  You'd tell them to stay strong.  Food addicted people need the same support.  It's a hard road.  It's not like a person can give up eating entirely the way an alcoholic can give up drinking entirely.  Or a smoker can give up smoking.  We all need to eat.  For a food addicted person with emotional triggers it's like constantly living on the proverbial slippery slope.  Don't tell me not to eat something that may not be the best choice either.  It's my choice.  I chose to give in to my weaknesses the last week.  Tomorrow I choose to get back on track.  You can support me by not judging--the good days or the bad days.  These are my choices to make.

I'm living my life the best way I know how now.  I may get off track from time to time.  But now I know I can get back on track if I choose, too. And I do choose.  It's my life to lead and these are my choices to make.

~

PS  Thank you Weight Watchers eTools!  You are an awesome support.  I could never have come this far (107 pounds) without you.

*Had dinner last night at my favorite restaurant on the planet, Urban Table in Morristown.  Governor Chris Christie lives a couple of towns over from Morristown in the other direction from me.  We were seated at the table just next to his.  The entire room was really respecting his private time with his family which was wonderful to see.  Although I agree with almost nothing that he alleges he's accomplished, I strongly believe in public figures' right to privacy even while out in public.  And since this is a weight-loss journal tonight and the world knows that my governor also struggles with weight (about the only place where he and I connect), he was making awesome choices for his eating plan too ...