Walk Journals ~ October 3

The seventh season begins.

It feels as though a new path is beginning.  It's the seventh season of walking.  According to my Map My Walk app, I've walked 1,375.74 in total.  Really?  Excuse me for a second; I'm taking a minute to marvel at myself.  And actually, that doesn't count the times the app malfunctioned and didn't add my miles.  Since April 2012 there's been 3 pairs of sneakers, several sizes of t-shirts and other workout wear, 4 sets of earbuds and 2 iPhone apps to help me stay motivated.

Lately, it's been a huge struggle.  First there was maybe some (self-diagnosed) sciatica and now there is some serious knee pain.  And maybe it was all tied up in my knee from the beginning.  I'm sure I should be seeing someone with an actual medical background and getting some professional diagnoses.  But I'm really afraid and reverting to doing what I used to be so good at:  avoidance behavior.  Because, if I don't find out what's really going on or wrong here, maybe it will just go away.

And there's the intellectual struggle:  I know I need to find out what's up.  For my own good and to get back on track.  So that I can get back to 7-10 miles a day as opposed to 3-5 miles once or twice a week which is all I've managed in the last month or so.  But there might be some down time when I find out ... physical therapy (which I don't have much faith in, based on absolutely no first-hand experience), scary injections or something more involved.  I've never so much as broken a bone; being "laid up" would be a totally foreign experience.  So I keep putting off calling the doctor, any doctor.

These walks have meant so much to me.  They helped me regain my health in so many ways  Physically, I'm more fit than I ever dreamed I'd ever be again and although I'm not as flexible or sculpted as when I taught aerobics (many, many moons ago), I feel great.  At least until my knee gave out, I did.  Mentally, I think I have more control of my emotions, almost never have "down" days and see most of life through a pretty positive lens now.  

I've seen bits and pieces of my town up close and have discovered a lot about what a special place it is.  The tiny lakes (there are at least five of them) and the river, the ponds and wooded trails, the spring and the old canal ... they provide an ever changing backdrop that help me think, that cause me to wonder at their natural beauty and help quiet my busy mind so I can organize my thoughts.  

I've listened to hours and hours, probably days and days, of music.  I've developed a new taste for pop music that really feeds me and fills a place that was empty for a lot of years. The walking coupled with the music (and particularly the music of Gavin DeGraw, who coincidentally dropped into my life around the same time as the walking) probably saved my life.  

My last walk was on Thursday.  It was the first time in over a week that I left work in daylight and my knee felt pretty good so I  hit the road and put in 4.5 pretty slow miles, up to the pond, around the back of the park, over the wood bridge where two folks were fishing and back into town to visit with my river.  By the time I reached home again, it was pretty apparent that I'd gone a couple miles too many.  And I paid on Friday with a lovely limp and swelling that lasted through Sunday.  Stairs were a challenge all weekend long.

Late afternoon light on an early fall afternoon.

I miss it.  I miss being out there on a daily basis, sometimes even twice a day.  I miss the energy that came from being in sunlight--whether a lot or barely a glimmer--for a couple of hours a day.   I miss how I could hop out of bed in the morning.  Lately, I've gone back to dragging myself to wakefulness.  I miss being strong enough to resist my boss's bottomless bowl of chocolate.  I'm self-medicating with chocolate several times a day these last couple of weeks.  I miss being able to say "I never have fries" with that.  I got dinner from that cute little Wendy girl tonight.  Walking increased my strength in every area of my life.  And while I have plenty of resolve first thing in the morning, it rarely lasts beyond mid-morning.

The master of excuses has resurfaced and inhabits my frame and my brain once again.  Too many deadlines by day, too many evening commitments by night.  Weekends filled with events of my own choosing (some for fun, some for community service--which is also my fun, truth to be told).  Every day crammed with "things to do" and no time left over for calling doctors, shopping for  healthy food, finding alternate ways to burn calories while figuring out the knee ailment.  

There.  I know what to do.  I just have to get out and do it. 

My river with tinges of autumn beginning.

~~

Walking "apps" I love:

Map My Walk:  Measures distance, time, pace, split time, calories burned, announces your progress at each mile, can be paused, allows you to team up with friends, save routes, gives you weekly and monthly reports.

Charity Miles:  Measures distance, time and pace, can be paused.  Unique in that miles are sponsored by generous corporate and private donors.  Before walking, choose a charity from their list and watch how your miles add up.  $.25 for each mile walked goes to the charity you've chosen.  Walk for a different worthy cause each time or stick with one and support it every time.  You're walking anyway--why not walk for good?

Playlist for a Thursday afternoon:

WPLJ 95.5 radio and ...

New music from Gavin DeGraw from the album due out next week (October 15 ... Make A Move):

Best I Ever Had

Who's Gonna Save Us (video from a performance I was at, taken by my friend; my view of the stage that night)