Socially Acceptable

Once upon a time .... to say something was "socially acceptable" meant that it was within the bounds of the generally accepted social practices of the day.  These practices have evolved over the years as the pendulum has swung from corsets, bloomers, calling cards and gloves to dates without chaperones to short shorts and corsets now worn on the outside.  Like everything else in life, what's socially acceptable has changed.

Enter "social media."  Boom.  Total game changer.

The cyber world has changed the real world ... I like to think for the better.  There's so much good happening on the internet:  information to be had, conveniences like bill paying and reservation making,  shopping, the ability to take classes and much much more.  And then there are the social platforms like Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr among others.  

I, for one, was totally sceptical of the worth of social media at the outset.  I didn't see the point or value in connecting with people this way and could never have pictured myself doing so.  But when my Girl Scout community (yes, the Girl Scouts tweet!) started using social media as a way to communicate, I decided to check it out for myself.  And I became a believer.  I've enjoyed renewing acquaintances on Facebook, sharing my thoughts here and engaging with people on Twitter.

For the purposes of organization and to try to rein in the rambling which I'm so prone to do (see, I did it right there), I'm going to use Twitter as the basis for the thoughts I'm about to share although I'm a frequent user of Facebook, cruise through Pinterest once in a blue moon, dipped a toe into Tumblr and enjoy reading sites like Huffington Post which I consider more social media that true news outlets.  I will mention however, that because of Twitter, I feel like I do hear about real news much more quickly than I ever did before.

I've loved my time on Twitter, about two years now.  I follow lots of different people there from the different Girl Scout adults and organizations that first brought me to it to various priests on the national and international levels of my church to friends and relatives and of course, the musicians, actors and entertainers whose work I believe in or whom I feel have something interesting to say.  I also follow people "seasonally" (my term).  That is to say, during the Olympics, for example, I followed a few athletes to read their reactions during the games and then unfollowed them after the games were over.  I've "met" a lot of wonderful people with similar interests through Twitter and subsequently have actually met many of them and count them among my friends.

Most of the time my Twitter time line, because of the people I've chosen to follow, is a fast-paced stream of information, ideas and opinions that is interesting, humorous, thought-provoking and often inspiring.  To me.  Because I've chosen the people who contribute to my feed, I'm comfortable with the vast majority of what I see and read about.  If you were reading my time line, you might be bored or uninterested or even appalled--because I lean liberal and you might not--by what you're seeing because what I've chosen to indulge in might be of no interest to you or in complete opposition to your beliefs.  That's part of what's so interesting about social media.  You get to choose.  You choose for yourself who or what or how often you'll check in.

You also get to choose how you'll express yourself. You can decide to be friendly or not, funny or encouraging or not.  You could be a light or light-hearted or passionate about the things you care about.  You can advocate for causes--social and political. You can do one of these things all the time or all of the things sometimes.  Most of the people I follow and especially those with whom I interact hold to the norms of socially acceptable forms of expression in a public forum which is what social media is.

But sometimes there is a disconnect in my time line.  I mean, there is a disconnection for me.  Here's an example:  I follow a priest (an Episcopal priest) who wrote a book I liked to use with parents in my former career as a Christian Education Coordinator for a large local church.  The book was a collection of funny touching spiritual essays about raising young children, marriage and church.  His on-line blog is much the same on a wider variety of topics.  He's very funny and his approach to the ancient institution we call church is fresh and energizing.  The disconnect for me is how totally and utterly snarky he is on Twitter.  All the time.  And he knows it and is rather proud of it.  While I think it's funny much of the time, the snarky edge is getting old and tiresome.  I wish he'd just make his very astute comments without the snark and choose that attitude to make his point more emphatically when the occasion warrants it--not all the time.  When did it become socially acceptable to inject sarcasm into everything?  Isn't it exhausting to have to couch ideas in such a way as to blanket the world with crabby, snappish comments every day?  However, when I weed through the attitude, I find truths I can live with so I'm willing to put up with it.  For now.  I predict I will one day become tired of having to read through the snark to find the truth.

Sometimes the disconnect comes in the form of mean-spiritedness.  I must be very naive but I'm afraid I don't understand how the invasion of meanness and rudeness finds it's way into my little world, which, after all, I've carefully constructed and chosen.  While I realize that I won't agree with everyone at all times and that all people are entitled to their opinions, most people are aware of socially acceptable ways of discussing the endless variety of subjects that might catch one's attention.  We talk about our ideas and beliefs in a civil way and offer our points of view without being offensive.  We agree to disagree and generally agree that it is this diversity of opinion that can force one to examine a question from a new angle.  It contributes to a broader perspective.  When done with care and respect, friendships are open and honest and relationships grow despite fundamental differences of opinion.

The meanness which seems to be rising all around us in society saddens me.  When did it become socially acceptable to reach out to people whom one doesn't really know and attack them for their personal opinions?  When did whining become an accepted form of expression?  When did polite debate devolve into derisive commentary?  When did a minority of very vocal people decide to hijack the conventions that allow us to freely discuss ideas within boundaries that keep the discussion civil?  When was common courtesy thrown out of the window.

I will not engage these people in their tirades.  I can't be part of the negativity that they thrust on me.  Even though I have banished the worst purveyors of snark and meanness from my created world, I can see that they are still out there and that the nastiness lives on.  I'm sad about that and I genuinely feel sorry for people who spend their days criticizing others' beliefs, putting down those who don't agree with them and spreading gossip and hate.  It must be very draining and constraining to live that way.

So I would like to propose something:  If we who regularly use social media as a way of connecting, learning and sharing could refrain from engaging with those whose expressions cross over from healthy debate to meanness and attack, could we raise the bar of civility a little?  Could we find and revel in the potential of all the good in social media?

I hope so.

I hope you join me.