Concert Diaries Chapter Twelve - Yonkers (And It Didn't Even Rain)

 This post is for Ulla, who I will meet one day 

either on this side of the Atlantic or hers!

Thanks for encouraging me!

Yonkers, New York.  Every time I hear the name I think of Barbra Streisand in Hello Dolly expounding on her relationship with Horace Vandergelder ... I just do.  And I always think of what a big deal it was for the other characters in that story to go into the Big City--New York--from out in the country--Yonkers--when in reality, Yonkers is like 20 minutes from uptown.

I drove to Yonkers on Sunday.  It's not that far from me.  I went by way of Manhattan to pick up my concert friend, KC.  Not having driven in the City in decades since my dad, my son or my ex had been doing that drive for me, I was somewhat nervous but there was no need.  It was a good drive, not much traffic, only one roadblock in New York and a quick ride to the Raceway from uptown.  Empire Casino at Yonkers Raceway was the setting for my latest Gavin DeGraw concert adventure.  We had great seats in the fifth row, dead center.  The concert was outside near the track and terrible weather was predicted.  My bag was stuffed with a rain jacket and umbrella.  Because ... as you know, if it's Gavin and it's outside, I'm bound to be wet.  I'm bad luck for Gavin fans outdoors.  I'm sure it has something to do with my concert karma.

However, by the time we found our seats, blue skies were just beginning to be visible between the wispy clouds and there was some sunlight peeking through.  It was going to be a lovely night.

Contributing to the overall loveliness was the large number of twitter friends who'd come from all over to see Gavin.  Just as though we were the chorus of his current single, Best I Ever Had, we drove from Virginia, Maryland, New Jersey, all over New York, Massachusetts, and Connecticut.  More about that later.

Collin Smith

Warming up the sold-out crowd for Gavin was singer/song-writer Colin Smith from Dublin, Ireland.  Later Gavin explained that they'd been friends and mutual admirers of each other for quite a while, having been signed to J Records around the same time.  His songs were genuine and lovely and heartfelt.  He is definitely someone worth seeking out and seeing again.  I love this consequence of being a Gavin fan ... he has led me to Michael Franti, Andy Grammer (from him to Chris Wallace), Colbie Caillat, Hillary Williams, Butch Walker, Train (from Train to Ashley Monroe).  From other Gavin fans I've learned about Tyler Hilton, (from Tyler, Dion Roy), Ernie Halter, Jamie McLean and others.  It's like throwing a pebble in a musical pool with the ripplings of other artists coming back to you on waves.  I'm sure this is not a unique phenomenon, the expanding of one's musical library because of one particular artist, but it's one of my favorite by-products of my fascination with this particular singer.  It probably helps that I lived under a rock for 20 years so catching up makes everything and everyone very new and exciting.  I hope I'll find Colin Smith singing somewhere near me again.  I'd love the chance to hear a longer set.

It's hard to explain the electric anticipation that flows through a crowd of Gavin DeGraw fans before he comes out on stage.  When he's headlining, it's like a huge surge that grows and grows until at last you release all that energy with the elation that comes when he appears, lately through a haze of smoke.  Earlier this summer, when we Gavin fans were scattered around huge venues in pockets between Train and The Script's fans, it was a different sort of feeling.  It was as though the electricity was bouncing from fan to fan willing our enthusiasm on those around us--willing them to see what we see and feel what we feel.  By the end of those opening sets, the uninitiated were made aware of his talent, great humor and ability to bring people together.

Tonight, although the venue is small compared to the other places I'd seen him this year, that familiar electricity is in the air.  And although I'm there with KC and with other friends scattered all around me, when Gavin DeGraw takes that stage, I am all alone.  Just me and the music and the bliss of feeling filled with an overwhelming sense of happiness.  I know they understand this and take no offense to my mentally shutting myself off from all else.

It was a fabulous long concert with old favorites plus the three new songs he's playing in advance of the new record dropping in October.  The old songs are reworked and sound fresh and amazing.  The new songs are some of his best work, especially Who's Gonna Save Us, which has taken my breath away every time I've heard it.  He brought back Crush (must have done that for me) and I Need a Dollar/Chermical Party (that was for my friend in Michigan I think) and sent all the younger girls over the edge with his cover of Justin Timberlake's Mirrors while meandering through the crowd.  He finally wound up his tour of the venue right in front of us, standing on someone's seat to sing right in our midst.  I know he (and his summer tour mates) had done that over the course of the entire tour but it's pretty amazing to have that voice within four feet of you.  The new quiet introduction into Chariot is stunning in its initial simplicity.  He sang Run Every Time and Soldier and Candy.  I still smile at the stories, most of which I can now recite along with him, which are woven between the songs, slightly tweaked and tonight with full-on "acting"--sort of ... well, not full-on, but hilarious nonetheless.  And charming.  Have I mentioned charming?

The band was in outrageous form as always.  Billy Norris, so young and talented moving easily between his differing guitars and singing flawless harmonies, James Cruz with his understated mastery of the bass sang more backup tonight than I've noticed before, Ian O'Neill going into his "zone" with the perfection on drums that we know him for and Eric Kinney who's as serious a keyboard player as any I've known (and basically, all the musicians I know play keyboards of one type or another).  Together with Gavin they make an amazing combination.  A lot of us are missing Jimmy Wallace on keyboards too but I think Eric is as good and understands Gavin's brand as well as Jimmy did and does.

The first encore for this evening was just Gavin singing a solo rendition of Belief, a song from his first record that obviously, even ten years later, touches a chord in him as well as his audience.  I would love to know how he came to write this anthem to love and loyalty.  I wonder if whomever inspired it knows that it was she and if she's heard it live ...  And then his huge hit, Not Over You, a musical representation of a universal feeling.  There were a couple of guys sitting almost in front of us singing at the top of their lungs--I loved seeing that.  Gavin's audiences are full of women of every age and the men they drag with them.  These guys were clearly there because they wanted to be and they had such a good time.

And then it was over.  With many thanks and humble appreciation, he left the stage to return to the buses that had been rented (by him or the venue, hard to tell) for the occasion.  We hung around near the stage hoping he'd come out as he often does but since we were within driving distance of his home town there were friends and family in the audience and I think he spent some time catching up with them.

United

We took big group shots and pictures of smaller groups and finally made our way inside to chat, relive our favorite highlights and reconnect (or in some cases, connect for the first time) with friends from near and far.  It's such a pleasure to have this network of friends to indulge our obsessions with--people who require no explanation, who in many cases can finish your sentence or voice your unspoken thoughts.  We're all connected by our common love of this singular performer and are also bound by our common wish for all good things and success to come his way.  We criticize his PR people and label for not putting in enough effort on his behalf (although most of us have no clue how this business really works from the inside); we analyze lyrics and discuss his enormously gifted band while scrolling through the dozens and  dozens of photos taken that night.  From where we were sitting in the restaurant, we watched the buses pull away finally.  I wondered which airport ... EWR?  LAG?  Who would spend some time in New York?  Who was going right back to Nashville?  Time and twitter would tell ....

We all have the same problem: can't eat before a show so
make up for it afterwards.

I was thrilled to get caught up with people I'd met from my first big meet-up at last November's show at the Paramount on Long Island, people I now connect with on Facebook and Twitter.  Other special women I'd met more recently in Virginia Beach.  One person, a retired teacher from New Jersey, approached me and reminded me we'd connected somewhere, either on Twitter or one of the concert platforms (BandsInTown, maybe?)  I went alone to my first (and many other) Gavin shows but at this one I touched base with 15 people that I've found so much in common with because Gavin brings us together ... and then it's we who form and nurture these friendships.

Oh ... and it didn't even rain!

~

Colin Smith ~ Love
Gavin DeGraw ~ Who's Gonna Save Us*

*Or Save Us (waiting for the album so we know for sure). So amazed that T could take this video while I was standing beside her with my heart in my throat.

~

The next day Billy Norris held a fun twitter fest and answered four of my questions which was a first for me.  He'd earlier tweeted out his airport frustrations which he often does when passing through New Jersey so I asked if he'd been through EWR that morning.  But no ... it was LAG.

~

Playlist - 9/1/13:

In Love With a Girl / Radiation / Make a Move / Crush / Run Every Time / Soldier / Candy / "Thank You" / Sweeter / I Need a Dollar-Chemical Party / Chariot / Follow Through / Save Us / Mirrors-I Don't Want to Be / Best I Ever Had
Encores:  Belief, solo / Not Over You 

Walk Journals ~ August 25 Ramblings

It's a brilliant day! An astounding morning!* Bright blue skies with puffy clouds and butterflies everywhere.  Sunday morning walks mean the most to me. There's more time, especially after church goes back to its regular schedule in September.  My mind, trained to tune in differently on Sundays, always seems more receptive to me.

Today I'm heading north on a busy street in town.  The community garden seems to be calling out to me so I'm veering off the sidewalk to see what the suburban farmers have been up to this summer.  I think a lot of urban-suburban towns have these gardens.  Sunny plots that you sign up for if your backyard is in the woods (or you have no backyard at all) so you can plant sun-loving species like fruits and vegetables.  We have lots of suburban farmers here.  They seem particularly partial to sunflowers this year and I'm appreciating their towering beauty and mentally reminiscing about our summer train ride through the Tuscan countryside a few years ago.

Sunflowers seem to be the common thread here this year.  Tomatoes too, of course; after all, this is Jersey and we're famous for them.  Wandering through these plots makes me wistful for my gardening days ... when the children were small and I could stay home.  Our garden was huge and there was far more produce than we could handle.  I remember specializing in different types of lettuce, mustard greens and more.  Scented geraniums too ... Herb jellies and vinegars ... I was so domestic then.  There are times I really miss those days.

These side wanderings of my fitness rambles really slow me down.  Most of the time I remember to pause my fitness apps on my phone so my times and distances walked are not affected by my rambling off course--both mentally and physically.  Today I'm noticing how neat some of the plots are and how, like many suburban gardens at this time of year, the "farmers" have let their tomatoes get ahead of them.

Sweet Peas along a fence.
A childhood favorite...

Lots of people planted cutting gardens too.  I miss my cutting garden as well as the vegetables.  Deadheading, fertilizing, keeping on top of pests ... it all takes time.  Time during daylight hours is so hard to come by and most of my discretionary time these days seems to be moonlit.  I suppose if I wasn't giving over so much daylight to trying to keep fit, there'd be more time in the garden but, although gardening is sort of exercise, it's not targeted nor very aerobic.  So I'm opting for keeping on top of weight loss and a more low-maintenance yard these days.


Back on the road (or sidewalk in this case) and into mile two I pass the Diamond Spring, a natural spring that attracted city folk (that would be primarily New Yorkers, I think) out to the country to relax in the healing water. Even Teddy Roosevelt visited the Inn that once was on this property.  The only remaining structures from those days are the caretaker's home (a stately house close to the road) and the shed where the spring's bottled water was readied for shipment.  At this time of year the mist that rises from the spring's summer-warmed waters into the cool of the pre-fall air always fascinates me.  Or causes me to break into a chorus of Brigadoon.  I can get away with that in the early morning when I'm alone on the road ....

Walking up to and around the pond at the nature park, I choose my favorite from the limited number of trails. On sunny days the light back here is very special, shining off the water, filtering through the trees and lighting the ferns along the path.  It's hard to maintain any speed where there is so much to see and feel here.  I have to remind myself why I'm out here:  get fit; stay fit; think fit; be fit.

Heading for home.  It's a 6-mile day and I'm still going to make it to church!  Good ramble.

~

*My friend (and priest), Janet, uses the word astounding a lot.  I pay attention every time she says it.  It's always followed by something I know I'll find interesting or informative or eye-opening or heart-opening.  I've started to use it too.  Not to call attention to my thoughts for others, but for me to pay attention to whatever is special in that moment.  To appreciate the amazing blessings that I can find everywhere if I'm really paying attention. It was an astounding morning ramble.

~

Playlist for a Sunday:

Steven Curtis Chapman,  Re-Creation  (Here's a piece of it:  Morning Has Broken/Sing Hallelujah)
Blaire Reinhard Band, Concert for Lauren
Michael Franti, All People

Suburban farmer sweet corn ... coming to a lucky
farmer's kitchen soon.  Just-picked golden goodness.

Walk Journals ~ August 24 Ramblings

From the Franklin Road Bridge, looking east at the Franklin
Road Beach (baby beach) and the shore of Lenape Island.

The sub heading of my little space here in cyber world says I like to ramble.  If you've visited here before or if you're a friend of mine, you'll know I mean that figuratively and literally.  I tend to use a  lot of words when I write--ramblings.  And I walk--ramblings.  I walk a lot.

The walking, as some of you will recall, started with my endocrinologist explaining that one way to get diabetes under control is to exercise and she recommended walking.  The first mile I walked was a nerve-wracking tortuous slow hour of self-loathing.  But she had scared me sufficiently that I found 30 minutes or an hour every day.  In very little time I found myself looking forward to my outdoor excursions.  I began taking pictures of one spot every day--a location or scene that spoke to me for some reason each day.  The pictures began to find their way to facebook along with bits of song lyrics--whatever the music was that was moving me during that particular walk.  The River and Me is an outgrowth of those facebook postings.

A glorious sunrise.

The rambling part comes in, in part, with the stream of consciousness that goes on in my head while I'm walking.  Sometimes it's all about the music.  Sometimes it's all about the "to do" list for the day.  Sometimes I'm re-landscaping the yards of all the properties I pass (well, maybe not all of them, but I do love to help out the folks with crappy yards--if only they knew).  Early on, I needed to sit--often.  I'd bring prayer beads and take a break somewhere pretty and meditate or read the daily office off the prayer book app on my phone.

Crossing back from Lenape Island looking at the log
house and my little creamy storybook house.

View of the eastern shore of Indian Lake from the
Lenape Island bridge.

It seems I'm always walking near a body of water--either one of the lakes in town (having grown up near the Great Lakes, I use the term "lake" in New Jersey quite loosely--these are the smallest "lakes" on the planet), or one of the ponds nearby or my lovely river which I know on a pretty intimate basis having battled her inside and outside of my home on several occasions.  The walks began just after I'd finished rehabing my house following Hurricane Irene.  I love each of these little bits of water that are now thoroughly threaded through my life.  I need to visit one or several of them on a daily basis.  The water, the light on the water, the creatures that make their homes there ... it's all become like a familiar friend on whom I depend a great deal.  The walks are my equilibrium.

Today I'm walking around Indian Lake.  When I was newly married, I had a part-time job teaching aerobics at the local Y.  We had become friendly with the fitness director and her husband who lived in Denville and introduced us to this neighborhood.  This was how we came to buy our first house, a tiny, tiny cottage near the western shore of Indian Lake.  It was a short walk from the "baby beach," the shallow water beach where families with babies and toddlers like to congregate because it's so calm.  The "baby beach" is where I sat in my hideous maternity swimsuit, feeling rather like a beached whale and where I played in the sand a couple of years later with my own toddler.  It wasn't the house I wanted.  I wanted this creamy little house with the stone arch right on the water of the eastern shore.  However, by the time we were qualified for a mortgage, it was already sold.  Today it is for rent.  I still love this house. Our friends lived in the brown house next door, to the left--a little log cabin (before the current owners put on the clapboard second story).  I  loved our tiny yellow cottage too.  I'd thought there were a lot of good memories while we lived there.  Like mine, my friend's marriage also ended many years ago.


It's about three miles from my house in the center of town just behind the shopping district to the creamy little house on Indian Lake.  When I walk this way I usually walk through some of the parallel neighborhood before heading back into town.  Today I follow this route again, walking all the way past downtown, along the Rockaway River to the entrance to Lake Arrowhead before I turn for home.  In all, I do 5.5 miles on this walk.  It's not a great walk for a Saturday--I like to do 7 or 8 miles on a Saturday--but I needed to be home by 9:00.  It was a picture perfect morning ... and it was a good ramble.



Playlist for a Saturday:

Michael Franti and Spearhead, All People
Gavin DeGraw, Chariot

Concert Diaries Chapter Eleven ~ Love & Country

It's been a long time coming ... getting country music back in the New York area.  Our country radio station died about 17 years ago.  I was listening at the time it changed formats.  Thus began a 17-year drought.  I found some other things to listen to in the meantime and found books on tape, too.  Lately, of course, there's been my unabashed love affair with a singer in the pop music category.  But before that, it was contemporary Christian music, classical music and classic rock when my daughter was riding with me.  That was always fun.  Conversations sometimes went like this:

Listening to Lynyrd Skynyrd, Sweet Home Alabama ... She: "Mom, you're so lucky you were around in the seventies ..."

Listening to Pink Floyd, Time ... Me: "You do understand that's our music ... right?"

Blair Garner of 94.7's morning show.

But this year, the country drought is over with the arrival of NASH FM, 94.7 (and, incidentally, sister station of my pop station, WPLJ).  I'd heard a rumor that country was coming back to our airwaves the day before they went live.  One of our bus drivers came into the school office on that day and said he was so happy to be listening to the new country station.  Suddenly I felt compelled to run an errand and hear it for myself.  There was car dancing all the way to the store and back.  There has been a lot of car dancing.

This weekend NASH FM sponsored a concert at Six Flags Great Adventure.  One of the opening acts was a new singer I've been listening to, Jaida Dreyer, and the headline group was Love and Theft.  I'd wanted to take the whole day off and hang out in the park before the concert but there is far too much to do at this time of year so I drove down after work in typical Friday Jersey traffic and arrived in just enough time for bad park food and a spot close to the front of the line.

Apparently, the collective memory of New Jerseyans has not remembered country music yet--or hadn't recovered from last weekend's Kenny Chesney extravaganza at the Meadowlands.  The crowd was sparse for the space and I felt so bad for all four acts and the radio station (it was fun to see Blair Garner from the station's morning show in person).  I was sort of in the front row and was shocked the couple of times I turned around and saw no where near the number of people I thought would come out.

Jaida Dreyer was wonderful.  She's a really good songwriter and has a lovely voice.  She reminds me of young Loretta Lynn crossed with Reba.  Pure country updated.  Did I mention she was born in Canada? That, of course, always gets my attention.  The band that supported her as well as the other two opening acts was tremendously talented.  There was serious playing and really good backup vocals happening up on stage.  I wished that she had played longer and that she had played my favorite song off her current EP, Half Broke Horses.

I'd never heard of the other two opening acts and was so pleasantly surprised by both of them.  Austin Webb was very good, entertaining although somewhat in need of variety in his moving around on stage (he paced).  Dakota Bradley, at age 18, is very talented and probably will be around for a while, having captured the attention of Tim McGraw who's produced his album.

Love and Theft, the enormously talented pair of artists comprised of Stephen Barker Liles and Eric Gunderson, both of whom play guitar and share the vocals, is one of my very favorite duos ever.  They performed a lot of their hits like Angel Eyes and If You Ever Get Lonely and even covered some Johnny Cash.  Country heaven for this one who's missed it for such a long time.  Their voices blend perfectly and their band is amazingly talented.  The bass player is from New Jersey. Their energy was totally infectious and the audience was treated to a wonderful show. Their interactions with the crowd and bits of stories that Stephen wove between the songs were wonderful.  I love knowing the stories behind the songs and how the artists feel about them.  It brings me that much closer to the music.  (I know another musician who's also very good at that ...)

It was a beautiful summer night, worth the drive from North Jersey.  I'm looking forward more live music sponsored by NASH FM.  I hope they know how happy thousands of us are that they are here in the Tri-State making up for lost time and giving us back our real, emotional, boot-stomping, loving-through good-times-and-bad-times music.  And they have to promise to stick around for a long time!

~~

Enjoy some Jaida Dreyer courtesy of @HomeSweetCountry here.  (And to the voice in the background that asked:  Jaida.  Dreyer.  Don't forget.)

Angel Eyes, Love and Theft

Concert Diaries Chapter Ten: An Evening with Ernie Halter

I know it doesn't look like much but
I've seen some good bands there.

I spent a nice evening with Ernie Halter at the Rockwood Music Hall last week.  The Rockwood is a music venue just off Houston Street in Lower Manhattan. Not that I was with Ernie Halter ... but he's very personable and it sort of felt that way.  (I attended this show with a friend but I don't expect my friends to become characters in my blogging hobby so I usually disguise them with pronouns or initials for names.)

Ernie is one of a handful of musicians currently hanging out in Nashville that I follow on Twitter (@erniehalter).  I don't know what it is about Nashville--I've never been there--but I feel drawn to the place and am just waiting for the perfect moment to visit for the first of what I'm sure will be many times.  (And in fact, if I don't get there before May next year, I'm assured of a visit around Memorial Day for the wedding of a friend.)

I think it's fairly safe to say that I favor the singer/songwriter type of musician above all others.  They sing their own thoughts and ideas and emotions; it seems so honest to me.  Even when the song isn't about their own experience but someone else's, I find they are sincere in what they are trying to communicate.  I admire the risks they take, putting their own feelings out there for all to see ... or hear.

Ernie sang and played piano and guitar and chatted with the crowd about his music, visiting New York and his twin daughters for about an hour.  His music runs in the "pop" vein I suppose, or "adult contemporary" as many say today since the pop category is so very broad now.  He told the audience last Tuesday that he likes writing "baby-making music" the most.  And much of what he played was pretty romantic.

The Rockwood is really small and intimate (and very red) so no matter where you are in the room, it's a safe bet that you're going to feel like you're in the front row.  It must be either very comfortable for the performers there because it probably feels like playing in someone's two-story loft living room or maybe nerve wracking for the same reason--so close and nowhere to hide.

I most enjoyed Pretty Girl and Lighthouse, but really I found all his songs spoke to me in some way.  He desperately wanted to play some of his newly written music and managed to get a few songs in (some of which so new he struggled a wee bit with the lyrics) but his fans kept requesting their favorites and he definitely seemed in the mood to give his audience what they wanted.  He mashed some of his popular songs together in order to make the most of his hour at the Rockwood.  He was deft at improvising them together and amusing the audience with silly verses in between songs.  I got the impression that that's the way he rolls as an artist: genuinely wanting his fans to have a great time and charming his way into the hearts of new audience members, like me, too.

Afterwards, he hung out in the bar, signing CD's and taking pictures, chatting with folks.  He was gracious and funny, very generous with his time.  If Ernie Halter is playing in Nashville when I get there, I will be stopping by to hear him again for sure.

~

Lighthouse - The person who filmed this must have been sitting right in front of me.

Let me be your lighthouse
Let me guide your hand
Let me be your shelter
For you, for you I stand

When you feel the dark inside you
And the wind and waves
Keep pushing you down
Feel the whole world pulling you around

Let me be your lighthouse
Let me guide your hand
Let me be your shelter
For you, for you I stand

When you feel the dark inside you
And the moon and stars
Don't lead you nowhere
Feels like no one is watching up there

Let me be your lighthouse
Let me guide your hand
Let me be your shelter
For you, for you I stand

Let me be the one
Standing when you come
Lay your anchor down
And let me wrap my arms around you

Let me be your lighthouse
Let me guide your hand
Let me be your shelter
For you, for you I stand
For you I stand, for you I stand

Baggage

This blog started out as a journal about my dual journey to reconcile with the river after Hurricane Irene and my path back to health and my own life.  And that's not really a dual journey, I suppose, because I think the hurricane (downgraded to a tropical storm, most of us still call it "the hurricane"), although real and traumatic, was just the catalyst for a bunch of succeeding thoughts and circumstances that led me to finally take control of my health and, consequently, my life.  I suppose the hurricane represents the least amount of control.  It took weeks to get the disastrous mess left by Irene under control and months of renovation to get the house back under control.  I started getting my life back a few months after the paint dried and the furniture came in.  And I never looked back.

Until recently.

Since I've been back from Boston, I've been out-of-control eating, barely exercising and haven't been journaling food since before the trip.  It's all a vicious circle too.  Eating too much makes you feel lazy and leads to lack of exercise and journaling.  Lack of exercise affects your mood and sleep patterns.  Feeling weak and tired does not equip you for good choices.  So if eating is your Achilles' heal, you'll probably eat without preparation, intention and reason.  Although the trip was beautiful and I had so much fun, my wonderful mood was completely stripped upon my return to the office.  A dramatic mess awaited there that shook me up and turned my world upside down.  Even though the situation is more or less resolved, I've not been sleeping, eating too much and wasting time in the same sort of lethargy of the spirit that marked my years before April 2012.  I've been blaming my feelings on work, however, knowing deep down that there must be more to it because work doesn't own me any more.  What is holding me down for real?

I've been well aware of all the poor choices I'm making.  I can hear myself making excuses and being my own chief enabler.  I eat and tell myself I don't care.  

Yesterday I was reminded that it was my brother and sister-in-law's anniversary.  That's when it hit me:  Tuesday I would have been married 29 years.  Last year I was so buoyed by my weight-loss success and the concert travel that I barely noticed the date.  I don't remember anything about August 2011 before the storm hit but I think I didn't pay much attention that year.  Most years, I'm okay.  But some years are paralyzing.  And the really weird thing is, until something triggers an association with the date, I'm at a loss to explain the overwhelming pervasive sadness that invades my body.  It's not like divorced people have their wedding anniversaries on the calendar, after all. I remember one year a few years after I'd started at the school, I couldn't move.  I couldn't get out of bed.  I called out sick and again the next day.  The second day I called the only administrator who was working that week.  I remember it was the BA and she mentioned the date:  August 6.  I remember saying, Is today August 6?  Energy and relief came flooding into my body and I could function again.  I recognized the source of the paralysis and I could move on immediately.   The trigger this year was the mention of someone else's anniversary.  I became flooded with relief again at having figured it out again and realizing that it's only temporary; that I'm not going to undo all the good I've done myself.  

I just have to get past Tuesday. 

Baggage.  I obviously still have baggage.  Just when I thought I'd put it down forever, it's clear I still have some--at least a carry-on. 

~

Music is a big part of the cure these days.  This weekend, here's what's helping a lot:

Michael Franti & Spearhead, I'm Alive (Life Sounds Life) 

~

This appeared in my Twitter feed about 15 minutes after publishing this post.  Thanks @Lindsay_Gal for sharing it. Guess I'll be listening to some Matt Cusson soon...

Maternal Health

Some good links from Global Citizen on the subject of maternal health:


http://www.globalcitizen.org/Content/Content.aspx?id=ba74186b-1776-4708-86c2-e6ae9c95fc6d&rby=00f9a9e1-51eb-471b-8511-95e666ea71a6


http://www.globalcitizen.org/Content/Content.aspx?id=e46f6566-64bd-4557-a18a-d8cb47f6a33e&rby=00f9a9e1-51eb-471b-8511-95e666ea71a6

http://www.globalcitizen.org/Content/Content.aspx?id=eb1eb8de-72e9-4430-a56b-c4ace2b2f59f&rby=00f9a9e1-51eb-471b-8511-95e666ea71a6

http://www.globalcitizen.org/Content/Content.aspx?id=0a4da982-3275-4f9f-896b-1f70bc403350&rby=00f9a9e1-51eb-471b-8511-95e666ea71a6


Learn about why family planning, access to contraception and women's reproductive health are universal issues deserving of our attention.