Table for One

I am a singleton.  I didn't plan it this way but it happened.  From my first deliriously happy romance in high school through the end of my marriage I wasn't alone for too many periods of time.  There was always someone, whether serious or not quite so.  And then, one year, there was no one.

Actually, it wasn't quite that way.  After I regrouped, had hours of therapy and could look back on 15 years of being married with a less emotional eye, I realized that I felt more alone being married than I have being actually alone.

But enough of the past.

In the 14 years since being divorced, I've been okay.  Work (sometimes two jobs at once), kids, community service, church work, family and friends--I've been blessed with a lot.  I learned early on not to be afraid to go out alone.  When the kids were with their dad for the weekend, I would sometimes take myself out to dinner or a movie or both.  People asked me if it was awkward.  I never thought so.  It would be sad to never go anywhere or do anything just because I'm single.  All of my local friends are married so they aren't available for spur-of-the-moment plans.

But ... sometimes you're made to feel awkward.  Restaurants always give singles not-so-great tables.  Usually they're near the kitchen or the wait staff stand.  I understand.  I know they hate a "table for one."  They always offer me a seat at the bar first.  That way there's no "wasted seat."  I try to make up for the wasted seat with an over-the-top tip.  You're penalized on cruises if you don't share a cabin too.  When I go alone to a concert, people have asked me if I'm actually there alone.  I actually am.

Even my church has a thing about couples.  A "couple" always carries the elements to the altar each week.  Usually it's a married couple but sometimes it's a mother/daughter or some other combination of family members.  My mom doesn't make that long walk up to the altar anymore.  We were asked last week but she declined.  So they asked another "couple."  It's been that way forever.  I don't think it's intentional; they're just not aware.  But I'd like to take part in this ritual once in a while--even though I'm single.  I'm sure there is another person flying solo at church that could carry the second element.

I'm tremendously blessed.  I have work and volunteer work that I absolutely love to do.  I'm never going to have a lot of money in the bank because what I've chosen to do isn't exactly lucrative, but I'm usually okay with that and I can usually pay the bills with some left over to help out with issues and causes that are important to me.  My family is generous and supportive and fun to be with.  My children are smart and funny and responsible.  I couldn't ask for more.  My newfound music life is amazing and has brought me so many new friends (and some of them are single!) and so much joy.

But every once in a while ... I wouldn't mind sitting near the window.